Michael Jackson Feat Benjamin Button

Something struck me today when reading an article about Michael Jackson’s 2003 Last Will. Michael was much like Benjamin Button; when he was young he was wise beyond his age, as he grew older he became more childlike. His evolution on this earth followed Benjamin Buttons in an almost identical way at least emotionally and mentally. Why he chose to do that do his physical appearance, I guess we will never know, but its what was on the inside that mattered. His father's abuse most certainly contributed to his identity issues along with enduring the constant weight and pressure under the media's limelight. MJ’s kindness and childlike innocence shined through the past 25 years but so did his immense pain and constant mental anguish.

Anyone who ever believed those ridiculous molestation charges lacked true understanding of the situation. Furthermore, those families who attacked MJ were out to get his money by using their kids as pawns in the media. In the end, with the media's support along with highly paid crooked attorney's, they got what they wanted...Michael Jackson's money. In doing so they left a trail of blood and ruined a music legends future forever in the eye of society. The media destroys people, some to a point of no return. In Michael Jackson's case, he was at or near a point of no return according to many close sources including famous doctors like Deepak Chopra and Dr. Drew who had been close with him for many years. Its a sad reality but hopefully this tragedy will cause others to stage interventions on their loved ones who may be sick and dying from the silent but deadly disease of addiction.

I believe MJ was primed to make a return to music of epic proportions this year however his abuse of prescription opiate pills got to him first at the golden age of 50. His scheduled concerts in London would have put his music back on the map and I think he would have probably retired after those performances a satisfied man. Sadly, we will never know what was in store for the King of Pop and loyal fans across the globe.

Michael Jackson was an extremely gifted musical genius that is truly a legend. He is equally comparable to rocker Elvis Presley and country music icon Johnny Cash in that they all three gave something truly unique to each genre of music. Not only did Michael Jackson give back to music with his unique sound and sense of fashion but also he gave back to dozens of charities throughout his life. Here is a man who had so much taken from him emotionally & mentally over the past 15 years yet he so unselfishly left some of his estate with various unknown charities.

Say what you will about MJ's past but when it’s all said and done its what’s on the inside that counts. Jackson had a heart of diamonds and a childlike innocence that will forever define his character and place in this world.

May you rest in peace MJ may you finally rest in peace.

I awoke, only to find my lungs empty
Through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing
And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be
And I'm Breaking Down
I think I'm breaking down

And I'm afraid to sleep because of what haunts me
Such as living with the uncertainties
That I'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain
Just how I'm breaking down

Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice


I've become, the simple souvenir of someone's KILL
Like the sea, I'm constantly changing from calm to ill
Madness fills my heart and soul
As if the great divide could swallow me whole
Oh, how I'm breaking down

Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice


Someone come, Someone come and save my life

Someone come, Someone come and save my life

Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Could it be? This misery will suffice.


-----

Do I have nothing good left to say
Do I need whiskey to start fueling my complaints
People love to drink their troubles away
Sometimes I feel that I’d be better off that way

Cause maybe then I could sleep at night
I wouldn’t lie awake until the morning light
This is something that I’ll never control
My nerves will be the death of me
I know
I know
I know

So here’s to living life miserable
And here’s to all the lonely stories that I’ve told
Maybe drinking wine would validate my sorrow
Every man needs a muse
And mine could be the bottle

Maybe then I could sleep at night
I wouldn’t lie awake until the morning light
This is something that I’ll never control
My nerves will be the death of me
I know

Finally I could hope for a better day
No longer holding on to all the things that cloud my mind
Maybe then the weight of the world wouldn’t seem so heavy
But then again I’ll probably always feel this way

At least I know I’ll never sleep at night
I’ll always lie awake until the morning light
This is something that I’ll never control
My nerves will be the death of me
My nerves will be the death of me
My nerves will be the death of me
I know

---

Reality is brutal and the Mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

Smiles Shine Through Darkness

Her smile shined effortlessly through the darkness

Mind filled with sharpness yet dulled by pain

He stands over her and lives in her with vigor

Her body is bent and broken

Broken beyond repair of mankind

But

Spiritual hope lives on

Never questioning why

Yet knowing

She smiles effortlessly

Mortality surrounds her organs

And

Then vanishes

Leaving life.... to be grasped tightly

Her soul shines through her smile again ever so brightly

For moments of clarity have arrived

Embraced..... Life is so tender

Time

Living to Love

Then

The organs see darkness

The darkness of the devil's hands

The fight of life returns with fire

Pain and no sunshine

Only rain falling from the rooftops

Yet....her smile....it's searing the rain drops of despair

Knowing everything has been done

The music of her life is in its chorus

Pain and agony fill the body

Leaving the mind free to fight

Living another day

To fight

She stands with soul wide open seeking a cure

The fight lives on

And

Ever so vividly her smile shines throughout all the darkness


... ``
-- `
... `
``
Her smile is her life's capsule of love and memories

The Journey of Conquered Fools

The journey of the past 9 years has been a tumultuous one. I've had to "conquer fools" as O.A.R (my favorite band of all time) says in one of their songs. The song is about defeating some of life's most challenging struggles like mental illness,addiction or a broken heart in which they have cleverly deemed "Conquering Fools." In order for me to be where I am at today, I had to defeat the devils grip and have had to conquer those fools many times over. That journey in itself, will always be an ongoing battle but in it I have learned more about myself than one could imagine as the battle moves on.

People say your college years are supposed to be your most care-free years of your life and truthfully they can be if you let them be! They can also be a time in your life when you do the most self realization and when your in your most vulnerable state. I am a very deep and analytical thinker almost to a fault. So take that trait and pair it to someone who struggled with illnesses like anxiety and depression. The frustrations caused by severe anxiety and bouts of mild to moderate self loathing aka depression ultimately caused addiction to form in order to escape the harsh reality I was dealing with at that time. It never made sense at the time but when I put it into words like I am doing now the writing was on the wall.

Growing to understand your inner self can go two ways; positively or negatively and in my case it didn't go so smoothly. I struggled the minute I was set free of my comfort zone which was high school. I had that gut feeling of worry and uncertainty of the future just as I'm sure many high school graduates do but for some reason I fell a little harder than most. I fell away from everything I worked so hard to get in life and I was stuck. I moved around to try to rid the fools but they always lurked in the shadows waiting for a moment of weakness. Those moments of weakness came more and more often as the arms on the clock turned clockwise all the while my life was moving in a counter clockwise direction.

One day I woke up after waging war on myself for the last time and I looked in the mirror. I realized at that moment that change was necessary and imminent. I finally turned a corner and saw a doctor for some out patient treatment. I was placed on some medication that took care of the issue at hand but it too had some bad qualities that I would have to conquer in order to eventually go back to a normal healthy life. The treatment itself was pretty simple and I remained a good boy for almost 9 months until I came across another hiccup in my recovery. My doctor stopped taking my insurance and I was to stubborn to find another so I quit the treatment drug rather quickly. Instead of the 3 month program to effectively eliminate my need for the medicine I stopped it within in a week while on vacation of all places!

At that pivotal point in my life, it was time to make the change official by just eliminating the need for a substitute of any kind and getting back to the reality of life as a 27 yr old man. My steadfastness lasted 2 months until the day I was forced to resign at my job. The word to explain the pain of that day wasn't in my vocabulary. I had just lost my dream job and I had no place to go for work and on top of it I had to say goodbye once again to my comfort zone of close friends and amazing co-workers who had helped me through so much. Here I was again back at square one and I didn't know where to turn but to that old love-hate relationship that I had conquered so long ago.

Again after 6 months of waging war on myself, I sit here and write this today on the eve of my of hopefully gaining control back in my life. I just want to touch my toes in the water of life. This time is more meaningful that ever and I have my best friend on my side in Jesus. I found him again after turning my back on him for 8 years. Although, I put him aside in my head because I knew I was doing wrong by him, I know that he never left my side. He's been on this journey with me ever since that day at Young Life's Woodleaf camp where I let him into my life on that park bench overlooking the stars. I ask of forgiveness as I take this soul to the depot for a fill-up of peace and happiness. A deep cleaning and energizing is what I will pay the price because fighting this battle isn't without its pain and sleepless nights. However, humbled, I am that my friend Jesus will be there with me this time as I conquer this fool once and for all! His help and prayers from my friends will enable me to conquer this fool you just see!

Thanks for reading a little about me. Hopefully this will give you a better idea of who I am.

OAR--Marc Roberge's Interview about all things OAR

http://www.songfacts.com/int/2008/12/marc-roberge-of-oar-of-revolution.html


If you didn't know or couldn't tell, I am a dedicated and loyal O.A.R fan and have been since my freshman year of college in 2001ish. They have been a monumental in my life with their positive encouraging stories and lyrics. I have had some struggles in the past 7 years and their music was my black rock every time I needed to reflect on the positive things in my life! Their laid back style and ever changing sound is what draws me near and keep me completely tuned during every show.

While listening to each of their 9 live and recorded albums I am able to escape and able to take my mind off some of life's harsh realities. The songs's "Black Rock, She Gone, I Feel Home, On Top The Cage and most importantely Conquering Fools are all songs that got me through some of my darkest days. Their music is so unique to the ear and Marc's writing style as well as story telling is simply refreshing in comparison to today's Top 40 radio. If you've never heard these guys, I suggest you give them a chance because I know you will be hooked just like I was from day 1.

I have been to all of their shows here in Phoenix since 2000 and most recently this past week in Austin for last stop on their "All Sides Tour". I have lost count on how many shows they've done here in P-town that I have attended but I will never forget their performances at the Celebrity Theatre. Celebrity's stage is circular and it rotates around and around the entire show plus every seat is within 75 feet of this circular stage!They absolutely blew the doors off at every show they played there and I really believe they enjoyed being so close to their core fans...even if they were on a slowly rotating stage that went round and around the entire show!


As you will see in this interview, Marc and the boys are a rare breed, in that they actually listen to their core fans and any advice that is given via message boards etc. I can say with confidence that their albums from "The Wanderer" OAR's 1st album to "All Sides" their latest work have grown in lyrical complexity and their sound has matured like a fine Pinot in Napa. Each album tells a different story and after reading this interview, I am excited to hear their new album which will be a blend of "All Sides" and their legendary older albums.

This interview is for my fellow core Of A Revolution fans. Meanwhile, Keep on rockin fellas! I will be anxiously awaiting your new album and maybe I'll be blessed enough to make it out to Madison Square Garden for another one of a kind jam session or should I say part 3 in NYC!

Interview is here
http://www.songfacts.com/int/2008/12/marc-roberge-of-oar-of-revolution.html

Top 5 Fav O.A.R songs--

Black Rock
I Feel Home
She Gone
On Top The Cage
Conquering Fools

Welcome to KRIZ and The KRUX of It All

Welcome All!

I am very excited to finally begin this project with you all! This is a continuation of something that I've been doing on Myspace for a couple years now so now its time to make more of a statement via this lil written version of my life.

First off,I am sure the thought " What the heck is The Kriz and The Krux name all about?" passed through your mind. Well to answer your question the blog is aptly named KRIZ and THE KRUX because of a cool fact that is linked to my last name. Every time I stumble across a rare Phoenix native like myself that's lived here for more than 40 yrs I get the question,
" Did you know your last name was a kick ass radio station here in Phoenix?"



Being it that I am 28 yrs old, I was not around during the 60's when KRIZ 1230 AM &
KRUX 1136 AM competed in the local radio market. However, I think its pretty cool that I am unofficially linked to a famous radio station so I decided make name my blog after this little bit of history. It also makes a good bit of sense because I've worked in radio for the past couple years and I enjoy every aspect of the radio world.

All of that being said, the "other" meaning behind the title is simply my last name paired with the reworked word "Crux" which means --

The basic, central, or critical point or feature: the crux of the matter; the crux of an argument.
A puzzling or apparently insoluble problem-something that torments by its puzzling nature; a perplexing difficulty. a vital, basic, decisive, or pivotal point:

In regards to this blog, The Krux refers to guts of this online tell-all about my life, my thoughts and whatever may cross my mind at any given time.

Its the Kriz and The Krux of it all!
Make Sense? Clever...maybe or maybe not but I like it and that's what matters after all right!



+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To Prove what I am speaking about check out the KRIZ jingles attached to this blog....this is straight from the old KRIZ studios....So awesome!

FUN Stuff Containing My Radio Station!---KRIZ Phoenix--1230-AM

See http://www.abovemystation.com/KRIZ.htm for former KRIZ and KRUX listener info

Old KRIZ Shotguns & Recorded Tidbits--Awesome!
http://www.abovemystation.com/KRIZ/KRIZ%20Shotgun.wma

http://www.abovemystation.com/KRIZ/Steve%20Casey%20on%20Double-Cash%20KRIZ.wma

Old KRUX Stuff
http://www.abovemystation.com/KRUX.htm